Sponge bath it is.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hippo gnu deer
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
