dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
