I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
