Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
