Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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