would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
