She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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