Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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