i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
