We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
