I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
