your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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