I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
