Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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