i already hear my dad disowning me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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