You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
