I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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