did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
