I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
