so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize