Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
