I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
