I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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