she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
