eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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