oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
