Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
