hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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