Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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