He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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