I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
