I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Randomize
