Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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