I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
