What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am puke
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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