its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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