Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
