I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
