I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
