just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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