Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
