I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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