Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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