I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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