I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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