Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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