Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
