Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
