apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
