Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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