i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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