sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Farmville is her only friend.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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