I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
