Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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