I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
