Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
