Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
