TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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