the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
