Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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