update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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