dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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