I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
