Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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