5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
