I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
