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so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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