The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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