Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
dude. I can hear the air.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
