If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
