im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
