The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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