Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
